Stay Positive--

if you die when there's no one watching, your ratings drop and you're forgotten. if they kill you on their tv, you're a martyr and a lamb of god
nothing's going to change the world.
I've changed a lot in the past few years. i have enough regrets to fill the ocean. i'm basically afraid of everything that moves. I'm scared of what my life will bring. i'm afraid of rejection, and terrified of getting hurt. nothing is the same as it was. i wish that everything would be the way it was before. before i changed into whatever i am. I can think back to any event, feeling, and emotion I experienced as my old self. and i feel connected, alive, and momentarily okay. It's a brief sense of peace, an overwhelming rush as if I'm returning to my old self again. But, these feelings are only transitory. Then, just like that, I'm thrown into reality and left trying to piece the puzzles back together. I don't even really know who I am anymore and I catch myself throughout the day hanging onto happy memories just so I trigger some sort of emotion. It's as if I'm constantly reminding myself of who I used to be in the past just to feel attached in the present to something, anything.

I’m gonna jump the walls and run I wonder if they’ll miss me? I won’t miss them The cemetery is my home I want to be a part of it Invisible even to the night Then I’ll read poetry to the stones Maybe one day I could be one of them… Wise and silent Waiting for someone to love me Waiting for someone to kiss me I’m eighteen years old And I feel it’s already too late to live Don’t you?